The Small and Simple Things!

     

     John M. Gottman is a revolutionary when it comes to offering wise words of wisdom and methods that are meant to strengthen marriages. I have enjoyed reading his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" because I have realized that his advice is very useful and and easy to understand. From this week's reading, I read about Gottman's principle of how important it is for couples to work toward coming close together rather than pushing away from each other. From this week's reading I loved the following quote: "Hollywood has dramatically distorted our notions of romance and what makes passion burn...real-life romance is fueled by a far more humdrum approach to staying connected. It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life" (79-80). I love this quote because what I got out of it is that the secret to making your marriage stronger is to intimacy between spouses is find in the simple, everyday things, not the Hollywood-grade romance moments. 

      I thought of the scripture Alma 37:6 while I was reading Gottman's advice. Alma 37:6 says "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." As I though about Alma's and Gottman's words, I began to think about how this relates to my own marriage. What I have come to realize is that some of the happiest moments in my marriage have been the simplest ones. For example, house cleaning. My wife and I usually do the housecleaning on Saturdays. She and I work together to get the chores done and as we work together, I cannot hep but feel happy because it makes me feel like she and I are equals in our relationship. In these simplest of moments, I have learned to appreciate my wife for everything she does for our marriage.

       Simplicity is an important factor in marriage because you learn to rely on each other. Co-dependence is important in marriage because if one partner is the leader and the other follows behind, then the marriage is going to suffer. Simplicity encourages co-dependence because it helps couples learn to wholly rely on each other without using emotional crutches. This trust also helps couples to deepen their love and mutual respect. 

Love is the Key!

      Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world and the perfect example of unconditional love. His love is what inspires us to move forward and to strive to be our best selves. As President Eyring explained in his October 2009 talk "Our Perfect Example", he taught that "Love is the motivating principle by which the Lord leads us along the way towards becoming like Him, our perfect example". His perfect love is described as the kind that "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things" (Moroni 7:45). The Savior's perfect love is what allowed Him to be able to become completely selfless and put the needs of us before His. 

     As I thought about what President Eyring said, I began to think about how the Savior's perfect example applies to marriage. Just as Christ is willing to bear all things and endure all things for us, we need to be willing to do the same for our spouses. Selflessness allows the Savior to be able to forget about His own wants and needs and focus on our well-being. This is a principle that we need to apply in our marriages! Love is the key! True Christlike love leads to the ability to put our needs aside and focus on what our spouse wants and needs. 

     As the Savior grew to love us more, He gained the ability to be able to truly understand what the hearts of God's children yearned for. He gained a perfect understanding heart and this is what allowed Him to be able to perform the Atonement. If our hearts become like the Savior's, then we too will be able to perfectly understand our spouses. Our spouses need to know we are focused on them because this builds trust. If they know we are willing to sacrifice for them, then we will be able to strengthen our relationship with them. The Savior shares His love for us and in turn, this builds our confidence in Him. Therefore, if we follow the Savior's example and make our love for our spouses obvious, then we will be able to draw closer together and understand each other better. 

He Is Always With Us!

     I loved watching the videos about the four horsemen of marriage because it helped me to be more aware of the tell-tale signs of strain in relationships. My favorite video was the last one about mending the relationship. It was very touching to see the husband and wife working hard to come to terms with the challenges they were facing. I could tell the husband was trying his hardest to make it up to his wife and that his intentions were sincere. The husband dropped to his knees, broke down all the barriers he had built up, and he completely opened up to his wife. I believe this was the turning point for this couple and when things began to become better.

     As I watched the husband confess his mistakes and ask for his wife's forgiveness, I thought about the words to a Josh Groban song called "You Raise Me Up." My favorite lyrics from the song are as follows: 

When I am down, and oh, my soul so weary;
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be;
Then I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

     I love these lyrics because I think they describe very well the attitude the Savior has toward us. He is always with us, in the good and bad times. In Alma 7:10, Alma teaches us that Christ suffered so He would be able "take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people". The Atonement allows Christ the one-of-a-kind ability to perfectly understand and empathize with all of God's children, regardless of their circumstances. This also gives Christ a unique role in all marriages: the perfect Counselor. When couples, like the one in the videos, are going through hard times, the Savior is right there to support them and guide them. He is patient and He does not believe any marriage or person is a lost cause.
    Husbands and wives need to rely on each other and the Savior and His Atonement. The Atonement helps them to put off the temptations of the natural man to argue and ridicule and instead forgive and uplift. The world has come to view divorce as an escape for struggling couples and would have them believe that it's better to give up on each other. The Savior is the perfect Counselor because He has provided us with His gospel to help us know what to do to base our marriages on heavenly principles. I am convinced that marriages are more likely to succeed if they rely on the Savior and the Atonement. He is always close by and that's a fact we can always count on!

Call to Action!

     When I was thirteen, my parents got divorced. My dad had been unfaithful to my mom and he walked out on her, my siblings, and I. As a result, my siblings and I had joined together to help support my mom and keep our house in order. Seeing my father leave was very hard for me, but I learned many important lessons as a result. One of the most important lessons was from I read a book series when I was younger called the Republic Commando series. The main character, Kal, had a rough childhood and his personal philosophy was: "Nobody cares who your father was, only the father you'll be." It may seem like a backwards concept, but to me it was exactly what I needed to hear. Kal's philosophy helped me to realize that my father's choices do not determine the kind of person that I'm going to be. I've decided that I want to be the best husband and father I can be, one who is faithful to his family and completely involved in their lives. 

     President Joseph F. Smith's talk "The Fullness of the Priesthood". He talked about the responsibilities of priesthood holders and what it means to hold the priesthood. I loved reading this talk because it helped me to better understand what I can do to better honor the priesthood. President Smith explained that one of the main responsibilities of the priesthood was to lead and strengthen families. My favorite quote was "you possess the power and authority of Almighty God, and you hold in your hands the power to save and exalt yourselves and your loved ones." I loved this quote and I saw it as a call to action to all fathers who hold the priesthood.
     The priesthood is the power of God given to men for the salvation of His children. Fathers are responsible to look out for and care for those who reside in their homes. I love how President Smith said priesthood holders hold the power to save their family members. If a priesthood holder is obedient and strives to be righteous, then the power of the priesthood will become greater. The priesthood is used to bless and strengthen others; its power is used to be used a conduit to help people draw closer to their Heavenly Father. If a father honors his priesthood, then he will help his wife and children to be closer to the Lord and his home will be filled with the Spirit.
      "Nobody cares who your father was, only the father you'll be." When I think of this phrase, I think of the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a righteous priesthood holder and help my family stay close to the Lord. While it may be overwhelming to think that I will contribute to my family's salvation, but at the same time, I feel happy and inspired. To know the role I will play will help me to know what to do to be the best priesthood holder, husband, and father I can be.