Love is a Safety Net!

        Who doesn't love a trip to the circus? The performing animals dancing around the ring. The clowns juggling and running around while throwing pies in each other's faces. Then, there are the trapeze artists who swing through the air, performing death-defying flips, all while they are dozens of feet off the ground. It takes great courage for the trapeze artists to do their work. They need to trust that as they are flying through the air that their partner will swing in to catch them before they can fall. Luckily, as an added measure of security, the trapeze artists have a safety net below to catch them should they fall. In our own families, trust is essential and is the foundation of our relationships with our loved ones. We take leaps of faith when we reach out to our loved ones and ask for their help, guidance, and support. Even though we may be afraid of disappointing our loved ones and falling, we can always rely on  one fact: that there is an ever-present safety net of love that will be there to catch us if we fall. 

       In their article, "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families", James M. Harper and Susan Frost Olsen touch on important principles that help build family relations. They explain that "Parents who try to create a climate of safety in which children can express their feelings...will have the greatest potential for positive influence in their children's and grandchildren's lives" (329). As parents, we need to build our homes and individual relationships with our children on a foundation of love. Children grow up and become independent; they make their own choices in life, both good and bad ones. Children have moments when they achieve greatness and they swell with pride for their accomplishments. There are also times when they make mistakes and feel remorse, anger, and shame for what they did. The roller coaster of life will take them up and down, but as our children know that their parents love them, then they will be willing to come to us for support. 

       Love goes beyond word and feelings; one of the greatest ways to show love is through our actions. It's like the great English poet William Shakespeare said "They do not love that do not show their love". Actions that demonstrate love are powerful because they allow our children to see and feel our love for them. These gestures of love do not have to be complicated. Hugs, attending your children's extracurricular activities, going out on family outings are just a few of the many ways we can show our love for our children. 

       I firmly believe that loving our children is the important lesson we can teach them and the most important thing we can do for them. By setting up the safety net of love, we are creating a safe environment for them and securing a safe future for them. If we set up the safety net of love, then we are teaching our children how important love is for a family to stick together and trust one another. Then, our children will be more likely to follow our examples and set up their own safety nets for their own families. 

A Virtuous Woman!

      Mary Magdalene was a wonderful example of a faithful woman. She wholeheartedly gave herself to the Lord' cause. She eagerly listened to His teachings, sought to obey His commandments, and could always be seen being anxiously engaged in building the kingdom of God on the earth and sharing the news of the Savior with those around her. There are so many descriptions that could properly label Mary, but I think the most accurate would be faithful. 

      The Savior cared deeply for Mary and He was deeply grateful for her dedication and compassion. Mary is a great example of the kind of woman Christ wants in His kingdom to help it grow. Our families are branches of the Lord's kingdom and our children are the future of the kingdom. The most important work we do in the kingdom is within the walls of our own homes. 

       Elder M. Russell Ballard in his talk "Counseling with Our Councilors" touched on the importance of women in helping the Church to grow and the same principles apply to to the work we do in our homes. Elder Ballard taught "I urge the priesthood brethren who preside over ward and stake councils to draw upon the great power, insight, and wisdom that women can bring" (53). This principle clearly outlines that women have lots of power and there contributions are more valuable than we can possibly imagine. Women offer unconditional love, unique insights, understanding, and unwavering dedication that make our families become united and stronger. We need to understand that our wives are the lifeblood of our families, the glue that binds them together. 

        To disregard the value of our wives is the equivalent of condemning them. Elder Ballard also taught "It is a short-sided priesthood leader who does see the value of calling upon the sisters to share the understanding and inspiration they possess" (53). If husbands believe that they are capable of leading their families themselves and their wives have nothing worthwhile to contribute, then they are deeply mistaken. Husbands and wives need to work together in order for their families to thrive and for their children to be well off. It is an essential part of Heavenly Father's plan that husbands and wives work together as partners to help each other and their children gain exaltation. However, this goal cannot become reality unless husbands value their wives' contributions and seek to work together. 

Legacy of Loyalty!

       Marriage is the most rewarding and beautiful experience relationship life has to offer. Heavenly Father loves is all of His children and their happiness is His motivation for everything He does. We are repeatedly taught that we can go to our Father in Heaven and ask for His help, guidance, and blessings anytime we need them. In return, Heavenly Father will always bless us with the things we need and He will do so when we need them the most. While it is comforting to know that Heavenly Father will give us what we need, I think the more important detail lies in the fact that Heavenly Father is ALWAYS available when we need Him. He loves us. He is constantly focused on our well-being. He always listens to us. All of these characteristics stem from one of Heavenly Father's most important qualities: unwavering loyalty. 

         Just like how Heavenly Father is completely loyal to us, the same is expected of us with our spouses.  I love the above mentioned quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, who said, "The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty." To me, loyalty means that a person willingly gives his or her heart to someone else. This is extremely important because your heart is the only thing that you can give away that is truly yours. By giving your heart to someone, you are showing that person how much he or she means to you and it is a gesture of love and devotion. By giving our hearts completely to our spouses, we are paving the way to build our relationships on principles of mutual trust, respect, and honesty. Giving up your heart is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary if you expect your marriage to survive and thrive against the temptations and trials we face in today's world. 

          We are expected to be completely loyal because we are expected to follow our perfect role model, the Savior Jesus Christ. He showed complete loyalty not only to His Father, but to us as well when He performed the Atonement. He willingly gave His heart to His Heavenly Father and us because by sacrificing Himself, He opened the doorway to salvation. His sacrifice is a clear sign of loyalty and is meant to be an inspiration for us. We can look to the Savior to inspire and teach us how to be more loyal to our spouses. Christ has left behind a legacy of loyalty and if we follow His example, then we can do the same!

Be Christ's Reflection!

     We live in a world that is filled with confusion, deceit, anger, and fear. There are many influences that try to tear us apart and drag us down. The world has become this way because the people of the world have veered away from our Heavenly Father's guidance and by drifting away from Him, they walk in spiritual darkness and have to rely on their own limited knowledge and understanding in order to get by in the world. This also applies to marriages as well. Marriages are meant to be one of the greatest sources of happiness and strength we can have in life and Heavenly Father wants our marriages to thrive. However, to guarantee that marriages thrive, it's important for us to have a model to base our personal lives after so we can be the best spouses possible. Our perfect model to base ourselves on is Jesus Christ and if we reflect His actions and lifestyle, then we are guaranteed to experience greater happiness and satisfaction in all aspects in our lives, especially in our marriages. 

      In his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard teaches that one of the most important elements for a marriage to thrive and be successful is charity, the pure love of Christ. Goddard joins the Savior's call to action for us to change the way we treat our spouses and to work to help our marriage evolve and become stronger. Charity is the key because it means to love as deeply as Jesus loves us and to devote ourselves to improving the lives of others just as He is determined to help us. To help us better understand what charity means and why it is important in our relationships, Goddard presents the thoughts of Elder Max Caldwell of the Seventy about charity. Elder Caldwell taught "The phrase 'love of Christ' might have meaning in three dimensions: Love for Christ, Love from Christ, and Love like Christ" (111). Our Savior Jesus Christ is the perfect role model and He works to guide us.

       Elder Caldwell and Goddard teach us that we need to love the Savior because our love for Him helps inspire us to be better and to please Him. When we feel His love for us, then we feel motivated to continue to do the right so we continue to feel close to Him and want to remain close in His love. Then, as we use His love as a foundation and a powerful source of motivation, we become more capable to love others as He loves us. We need to love our spouses like the Savior loves them because charity allows us to look past their imperfections and feel the desire to help them improve. Faith in Christ and loving our spouses like Christ will help us to change the quality of our relationships with our spouses and make our marriages stronger. If we reflect the Savior's love, then we will be able to help our marriages become powerful!

Don't Blur the Lines!

      We are involved in a war that consists of many daily battles. Our adversary, Satan, is the ultimate deceiver and he is constantly working to make us believe that right is wrong and wrong is right. These daily battles involve us deciding whether we will choose to obey Heavenly Father or the temptations of the enemy. Our agency is one of the most important gifts Heavenly Father has given us because it allows us to decide for ourselves what we want to do in life. Then, He has also given us another precious gift: the companionship of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is our personal guide through life, helping us to know how to make the right decisions, to avoid Satan's pitfalls, and to help us know Heavenly Father's will. 

     Satan knows that we have all of these tools to help us stay away from his influences and he knows in the end he will lose the war. However, he is determined to ruin as many lives as possible and he one of his main targets is our families. Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy in the May 1998 Ensign talk "Agency and Anger" taught about how Satan lies to us and works to make us believe that we are at the mercy of our anger and it cannot be controlled. Elder Robbins taught, "His strategy is to stir up anger between family members...A cunning part of his strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control" (1). Here we see that Satan is working to attack our families by making each individual member focus on himself or herself, victimize themselves, and believe that his or her spouse is to blame. 

      The Lord's commandments and the forces of Satan are like two lanes on a highway and the lanes are divided by a thick line. The boundary between them is clearly defined and the Lord teaches us to stay on His side so we can remain safe and happy. But, as Elder Robbins explained, one of the adversary's favorite tactics is to blur the lines between right and wrong. In this case, he blurs the lines between anger and agency and makes us believe that we are slaves to anger and we cannot control it. This blurred truth can be very harmful to families because it can lead to constant contention between spouses and the anger can put a lot of strain on the relationship. Satan's hope is that by putting so much pressure on the relationship and making each spouse focus on himself or herself, then they will drift apart and the family will crumble. Satan knows that the love between husband and wife is the foundation of a strong, united family and if he can break it apart, then the whole family will suffer as a result. 

      Thanks to the gospel, we know this blurred truth is nothing but a big, fat lie! The gospel helps us to know that anger is not our master, but we are its master. The natural man would have us believe that we cannot control it, but the sanctified man is in control of his anger and does not let himself to have outbursts. Learning to control our anger will help us to keep our homes filled with love and the Spirit of the Lord. Contention and anger drive out the Spirit and cause tension in the family. If we follow the Savior's example and stay true to the gospel's principles, then it will be much harder for Satan to blur the lines and make us cross into enemy territory!

Rescue Your Marriage!

      This week in class we were assigned to read from H. Wallace Goddard's book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Goddard presents the idea that pride is a major marriage killer. Pride is like poison that slowly eats away at the bond between you and your spouse until the bond is severely weakened. Pride creates the illusion that we are better than our spouse and we are innocent when there is tension in our marriage. Goddard explained that "When we are feeling irked, annoyed, or irritated with our spouse...we are guilty of pride" (61). Although there is no such thing as a conflict-free marriage, it's interesting to think about how many fights, broken hearts, or hurt feelings could be avoided if we were more aware of pride's influence in our lives.

       When pride comes into play in our marriage, it's time to reflect and to change. Goddard does a fair job of explaining the impact of pride on marriage: "Pride is burdensome" (61). The burden of pride is burdensome not only to our spouses, but to us as well. When we are being prideful, we are thinking too much about ourselves and we need to think more about our spouses. But, how can we become less selfish?

       This is where the Savior comes into play. In our marriages, He plays two critical roles: He is our Teacher and He is our Rescuer. Christ and His gospel teach us about the dangers of pride and how to be aware of it. He is our Rescuer because our obedience allows our hearts to change and we can repent of our sins; Christ is the One who forgives us of our sins. I love how Goddard phrased this concept! He said, "without repentance, there is neither growth nor redemption" (63). If we willingly admit that we have been prideful and are willing to do what it takes to make amends, then Christ can help us! Repentance and humility are the path that allows our hearts to change and put us in the proper place to allow us to make changes. Then, the redemption Goddard was referring to means that our marriage can survive the impact of pride and can be rescued!

The Small and Simple Things!

     

     John M. Gottman is a revolutionary when it comes to offering wise words of wisdom and methods that are meant to strengthen marriages. I have enjoyed reading his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" because I have realized that his advice is very useful and and easy to understand. From this week's reading, I read about Gottman's principle of how important it is for couples to work toward coming close together rather than pushing away from each other. From this week's reading I loved the following quote: "Hollywood has dramatically distorted our notions of romance and what makes passion burn...real-life romance is fueled by a far more humdrum approach to staying connected. It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life" (79-80). I love this quote because what I got out of it is that the secret to making your marriage stronger is to intimacy between spouses is find in the simple, everyday things, not the Hollywood-grade romance moments. 

      I thought of the scripture Alma 37:6 while I was reading Gottman's advice. Alma 37:6 says "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." As I though about Alma's and Gottman's words, I began to think about how this relates to my own marriage. What I have come to realize is that some of the happiest moments in my marriage have been the simplest ones. For example, house cleaning. My wife and I usually do the housecleaning on Saturdays. She and I work together to get the chores done and as we work together, I cannot hep but feel happy because it makes me feel like she and I are equals in our relationship. In these simplest of moments, I have learned to appreciate my wife for everything she does for our marriage.

       Simplicity is an important factor in marriage because you learn to rely on each other. Co-dependence is important in marriage because if one partner is the leader and the other follows behind, then the marriage is going to suffer. Simplicity encourages co-dependence because it helps couples learn to wholly rely on each other without using emotional crutches. This trust also helps couples to deepen their love and mutual respect. 

Love is the Key!

      Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world and the perfect example of unconditional love. His love is what inspires us to move forward and to strive to be our best selves. As President Eyring explained in his October 2009 talk "Our Perfect Example", he taught that "Love is the motivating principle by which the Lord leads us along the way towards becoming like Him, our perfect example". His perfect love is described as the kind that "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things" (Moroni 7:45). The Savior's perfect love is what allowed Him to be able to become completely selfless and put the needs of us before His. 

     As I thought about what President Eyring said, I began to think about how the Savior's perfect example applies to marriage. Just as Christ is willing to bear all things and endure all things for us, we need to be willing to do the same for our spouses. Selflessness allows the Savior to be able to forget about His own wants and needs and focus on our well-being. This is a principle that we need to apply in our marriages! Love is the key! True Christlike love leads to the ability to put our needs aside and focus on what our spouse wants and needs. 

     As the Savior grew to love us more, He gained the ability to be able to truly understand what the hearts of God's children yearned for. He gained a perfect understanding heart and this is what allowed Him to be able to perform the Atonement. If our hearts become like the Savior's, then we too will be able to perfectly understand our spouses. Our spouses need to know we are focused on them because this builds trust. If they know we are willing to sacrifice for them, then we will be able to strengthen our relationship with them. The Savior shares His love for us and in turn, this builds our confidence in Him. Therefore, if we follow the Savior's example and make our love for our spouses obvious, then we will be able to draw closer together and understand each other better. 

He Is Always With Us!

     I loved watching the videos about the four horsemen of marriage because it helped me to be more aware of the tell-tale signs of strain in relationships. My favorite video was the last one about mending the relationship. It was very touching to see the husband and wife working hard to come to terms with the challenges they were facing. I could tell the husband was trying his hardest to make it up to his wife and that his intentions were sincere. The husband dropped to his knees, broke down all the barriers he had built up, and he completely opened up to his wife. I believe this was the turning point for this couple and when things began to become better.

     As I watched the husband confess his mistakes and ask for his wife's forgiveness, I thought about the words to a Josh Groban song called "You Raise Me Up." My favorite lyrics from the song are as follows: 

When I am down, and oh, my soul so weary;
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be;
Then I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

     I love these lyrics because I think they describe very well the attitude the Savior has toward us. He is always with us, in the good and bad times. In Alma 7:10, Alma teaches us that Christ suffered so He would be able "take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people". The Atonement allows Christ the one-of-a-kind ability to perfectly understand and empathize with all of God's children, regardless of their circumstances. This also gives Christ a unique role in all marriages: the perfect Counselor. When couples, like the one in the videos, are going through hard times, the Savior is right there to support them and guide them. He is patient and He does not believe any marriage or person is a lost cause.
    Husbands and wives need to rely on each other and the Savior and His Atonement. The Atonement helps them to put off the temptations of the natural man to argue and ridicule and instead forgive and uplift. The world has come to view divorce as an escape for struggling couples and would have them believe that it's better to give up on each other. The Savior is the perfect Counselor because He has provided us with His gospel to help us know what to do to base our marriages on heavenly principles. I am convinced that marriages are more likely to succeed if they rely on the Savior and the Atonement. He is always close by and that's a fact we can always count on!

Call to Action!

     When I was thirteen, my parents got divorced. My dad had been unfaithful to my mom and he walked out on her, my siblings, and I. As a result, my siblings and I had joined together to help support my mom and keep our house in order. Seeing my father leave was very hard for me, but I learned many important lessons as a result. One of the most important lessons was from I read a book series when I was younger called the Republic Commando series. The main character, Kal, had a rough childhood and his personal philosophy was: "Nobody cares who your father was, only the father you'll be." It may seem like a backwards concept, but to me it was exactly what I needed to hear. Kal's philosophy helped me to realize that my father's choices do not determine the kind of person that I'm going to be. I've decided that I want to be the best husband and father I can be, one who is faithful to his family and completely involved in their lives. 

     President Joseph F. Smith's talk "The Fullness of the Priesthood". He talked about the responsibilities of priesthood holders and what it means to hold the priesthood. I loved reading this talk because it helped me to better understand what I can do to better honor the priesthood. President Smith explained that one of the main responsibilities of the priesthood was to lead and strengthen families. My favorite quote was "you possess the power and authority of Almighty God, and you hold in your hands the power to save and exalt yourselves and your loved ones." I loved this quote and I saw it as a call to action to all fathers who hold the priesthood.
     The priesthood is the power of God given to men for the salvation of His children. Fathers are responsible to look out for and care for those who reside in their homes. I love how President Smith said priesthood holders hold the power to save their family members. If a priesthood holder is obedient and strives to be righteous, then the power of the priesthood will become greater. The priesthood is used to bless and strengthen others; its power is used to be used a conduit to help people draw closer to their Heavenly Father. If a father honors his priesthood, then he will help his wife and children to be closer to the Lord and his home will be filled with the Spirit.
      "Nobody cares who your father was, only the father you'll be." When I think of this phrase, I think of the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a righteous priesthood holder and help my family stay close to the Lord. While it may be overwhelming to think that I will contribute to my family's salvation, but at the same time, I feel happy and inspired. To know the role I will play will help me to know what to do to be the best priesthood holder, husband, and father I can be. 

¡La Visión!

     I served in the Argentina Buenos Aires North mission from 2011-2013. To say I served in the best mission in the world is obviously a biased statement since every missionary believes his or her own mission is the best. Regardless, I love my mission and I am grateful for the things I learned and experienced while I was there. I learned many important lessons about the gospel and life which helped me to mature, strengthen my faith, and develop a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

     My mission president was very focused on helping us to realize the "why" of missionary work. He often used a quote from President Boyd K. Packer in Preach My Gospel: "True doctrine, understood, changes attitude and behavior". He wanted us to capture "la visión" (the vision) or the why of missionary work so that we could feel a personal desire to teach the gospel because it was a part of who we are. He understood that if we did it because it felt like an obligation or a duty, then we would not be serving with all of our hearts and we would become discouraged. Eventually I got the vision and it changed not only my perspective about my mission, but about my life and the world. I realized that by seeing the whole picture, not just what was right in front of me, my gospel understanding deepened as well as my commitment to serve the Lord.

      "La visión" is also an important factor in marriage. Heavenly Father never meant for marriage to just be a civil contract between a man and a woman; it is SO much more than that! Let me start by sharing a quote I came across from Elder Russell M. Nelson. It is from a BYU commencement address he gave on August 24, 2014 called "Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage". 

Elder Nelson said "Great partners are completely loyal. They suppress personal ego in exchange for being part of creating something larger than themselves. Great partnerships depend upon each partner developing his or her own personal attributes of character."

    What a great insight! Husbands and wives are more than just two people who are united civilly, live together, and have a family. Heavenly Father intends for families to be more than temporary; in fact, He intends for them to last forever! Heavenly Father has a "visión" of His own: "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). This is what Elder Nelson meant by having couples work together to create something larger than themselves. Husbands and wives have the responsibility to work together to help each other become better than they were the day before. They are working to make Heavenly Father's "visión" become reality. As they focus on helping each other to improve and focus on helping each other to gain eternal life. Heavenly Father wants marriage to be more than a civil union...He wants it to be the means for us to experience a piece of heaven on Earth! 

     None of us our perfect, but at least we try our best! The "visión" of marriage is that is it becomes heaven on earth for couples and their families. I know it's possible for this "visión" to become reality for our families! By studying the gospel and applying its principles in our personal lives and with our family members, I know we can all begin to see Heavenly Father's "visión" of marriage! I'd like to leave you with an invitation to learn more about Heavenly Father's "visión". When you get the chance, read Doctrine and Covenants 138. It's a great section that explains why celestial marriage is important and what are the blessings that it can bring us! Hope you enjoy it!

Marriage is a Three-Legged Race

     I am currently taking more than one class this semester and in my Family Relations class, we were discussing social trends, specifically about divorce. As I read the material for the discussion, I came across a quote from Elder Dallin H. Oaks and I instantly loved it! It's from the May 2007 Ensign and it's called "Divorce." Elder Oaks taught us that "A good marriage does not require a perfect man or perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection." I loved this quote because it helped to better understand how the gospel strengthens families, especially husbands and wives. The restored gospel makes it so couples stand on even ground; they each have responsibilities, but they are equally important. It also helps them because the gospel helps both husband and wife to have common goals for themselves and the family, specifically the goal to gain eternal life. With this common goal in sight, husband and wife can walk together side-by-side in the direction they need to go to enter the celestial kingdom. 

      Imagine a husband and wife are going to compete in a three-legged race. They stand at the starting line together and a race official comes up to them with a rope and ties one leg from each person together in between them. Now, the couple will work as a single unit to compete in the race with the goal of crossing the finish line. An important rule to keep in mind about a three-legged race is that both team members need to work together and walk in equal strides; one cannot lead and drag the other behind. If one races ahead of the other, then both are doomed to lose the race. 

       The gospel of Jesus Christ is the rope that binds the couples together. It makes it so both the husband and wife are valued members of the team. They work together as equals, putting their trust in each others' support and strength, to take each step during the race and to make it to the finish line. If there is competition between them to try and prove who is best, then they are going to lose the race. The purpose of the three-legged race is for BOTH team members to be victorious; the same goes for the gospel. Husbands and wives are not racing each other to see who gets exalted first; our Heavenly Father's plan is for them to function as a team to make it back to Him at the same time. 

        I am grateful that the gospel makes it possible for husbands and wives to find common ground, common goals, and a common vision for the future. I know that by working with our spouses, instead of competing against them, then not only will it be easier for us to make it to the finish line that is the celestial kingdom, but we will really enjoy the race that is life and our spouses' company along the way. The purpose of life is to teach us how to become more perfect like Heavenly Father and His Son and we are sure to become more like Them if we rely on the support of our three-legged race partners: our spouses!