Love is a Safety Net!

        Who doesn't love a trip to the circus? The performing animals dancing around the ring. The clowns juggling and running around while throwing pies in each other's faces. Then, there are the trapeze artists who swing through the air, performing death-defying flips, all while they are dozens of feet off the ground. It takes great courage for the trapeze artists to do their work. They need to trust that as they are flying through the air that their partner will swing in to catch them before they can fall. Luckily, as an added measure of security, the trapeze artists have a safety net below to catch them should they fall. In our own families, trust is essential and is the foundation of our relationships with our loved ones. We take leaps of faith when we reach out to our loved ones and ask for their help, guidance, and support. Even though we may be afraid of disappointing our loved ones and falling, we can always rely on  one fact: that there is an ever-present safety net of love that will be there to catch us if we fall. 

       In their article, "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families", James M. Harper and Susan Frost Olsen touch on important principles that help build family relations. They explain that "Parents who try to create a climate of safety in which children can express their feelings...will have the greatest potential for positive influence in their children's and grandchildren's lives" (329). As parents, we need to build our homes and individual relationships with our children on a foundation of love. Children grow up and become independent; they make their own choices in life, both good and bad ones. Children have moments when they achieve greatness and they swell with pride for their accomplishments. There are also times when they make mistakes and feel remorse, anger, and shame for what they did. The roller coaster of life will take them up and down, but as our children know that their parents love them, then they will be willing to come to us for support. 

       Love goes beyond word and feelings; one of the greatest ways to show love is through our actions. It's like the great English poet William Shakespeare said "They do not love that do not show their love". Actions that demonstrate love are powerful because they allow our children to see and feel our love for them. These gestures of love do not have to be complicated. Hugs, attending your children's extracurricular activities, going out on family outings are just a few of the many ways we can show our love for our children. 

       I firmly believe that loving our children is the important lesson we can teach them and the most important thing we can do for them. By setting up the safety net of love, we are creating a safe environment for them and securing a safe future for them. If we set up the safety net of love, then we are teaching our children how important love is for a family to stick together and trust one another. Then, our children will be more likely to follow our examples and set up their own safety nets for their own families. 

A Virtuous Woman!

      Mary Magdalene was a wonderful example of a faithful woman. She wholeheartedly gave herself to the Lord' cause. She eagerly listened to His teachings, sought to obey His commandments, and could always be seen being anxiously engaged in building the kingdom of God on the earth and sharing the news of the Savior with those around her. There are so many descriptions that could properly label Mary, but I think the most accurate would be faithful. 

      The Savior cared deeply for Mary and He was deeply grateful for her dedication and compassion. Mary is a great example of the kind of woman Christ wants in His kingdom to help it grow. Our families are branches of the Lord's kingdom and our children are the future of the kingdom. The most important work we do in the kingdom is within the walls of our own homes. 

       Elder M. Russell Ballard in his talk "Counseling with Our Councilors" touched on the importance of women in helping the Church to grow and the same principles apply to to the work we do in our homes. Elder Ballard taught "I urge the priesthood brethren who preside over ward and stake councils to draw upon the great power, insight, and wisdom that women can bring" (53). This principle clearly outlines that women have lots of power and there contributions are more valuable than we can possibly imagine. Women offer unconditional love, unique insights, understanding, and unwavering dedication that make our families become united and stronger. We need to understand that our wives are the lifeblood of our families, the glue that binds them together. 

        To disregard the value of our wives is the equivalent of condemning them. Elder Ballard also taught "It is a short-sided priesthood leader who does see the value of calling upon the sisters to share the understanding and inspiration they possess" (53). If husbands believe that they are capable of leading their families themselves and their wives have nothing worthwhile to contribute, then they are deeply mistaken. Husbands and wives need to work together in order for their families to thrive and for their children to be well off. It is an essential part of Heavenly Father's plan that husbands and wives work together as partners to help each other and their children gain exaltation. However, this goal cannot become reality unless husbands value their wives' contributions and seek to work together. 

Legacy of Loyalty!

       Marriage is the most rewarding and beautiful experience relationship life has to offer. Heavenly Father loves is all of His children and their happiness is His motivation for everything He does. We are repeatedly taught that we can go to our Father in Heaven and ask for His help, guidance, and blessings anytime we need them. In return, Heavenly Father will always bless us with the things we need and He will do so when we need them the most. While it is comforting to know that Heavenly Father will give us what we need, I think the more important detail lies in the fact that Heavenly Father is ALWAYS available when we need Him. He loves us. He is constantly focused on our well-being. He always listens to us. All of these characteristics stem from one of Heavenly Father's most important qualities: unwavering loyalty. 

         Just like how Heavenly Father is completely loyal to us, the same is expected of us with our spouses.  I love the above mentioned quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, who said, "The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty." To me, loyalty means that a person willingly gives his or her heart to someone else. This is extremely important because your heart is the only thing that you can give away that is truly yours. By giving your heart to someone, you are showing that person how much he or she means to you and it is a gesture of love and devotion. By giving our hearts completely to our spouses, we are paving the way to build our relationships on principles of mutual trust, respect, and honesty. Giving up your heart is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary if you expect your marriage to survive and thrive against the temptations and trials we face in today's world. 

          We are expected to be completely loyal because we are expected to follow our perfect role model, the Savior Jesus Christ. He showed complete loyalty not only to His Father, but to us as well when He performed the Atonement. He willingly gave His heart to His Heavenly Father and us because by sacrificing Himself, He opened the doorway to salvation. His sacrifice is a clear sign of loyalty and is meant to be an inspiration for us. We can look to the Savior to inspire and teach us how to be more loyal to our spouses. Christ has left behind a legacy of loyalty and if we follow His example, then we can do the same!

Be Christ's Reflection!

     We live in a world that is filled with confusion, deceit, anger, and fear. There are many influences that try to tear us apart and drag us down. The world has become this way because the people of the world have veered away from our Heavenly Father's guidance and by drifting away from Him, they walk in spiritual darkness and have to rely on their own limited knowledge and understanding in order to get by in the world. This also applies to marriages as well. Marriages are meant to be one of the greatest sources of happiness and strength we can have in life and Heavenly Father wants our marriages to thrive. However, to guarantee that marriages thrive, it's important for us to have a model to base our personal lives after so we can be the best spouses possible. Our perfect model to base ourselves on is Jesus Christ and if we reflect His actions and lifestyle, then we are guaranteed to experience greater happiness and satisfaction in all aspects in our lives, especially in our marriages. 

      In his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard teaches that one of the most important elements for a marriage to thrive and be successful is charity, the pure love of Christ. Goddard joins the Savior's call to action for us to change the way we treat our spouses and to work to help our marriage evolve and become stronger. Charity is the key because it means to love as deeply as Jesus loves us and to devote ourselves to improving the lives of others just as He is determined to help us. To help us better understand what charity means and why it is important in our relationships, Goddard presents the thoughts of Elder Max Caldwell of the Seventy about charity. Elder Caldwell taught "The phrase 'love of Christ' might have meaning in three dimensions: Love for Christ, Love from Christ, and Love like Christ" (111). Our Savior Jesus Christ is the perfect role model and He works to guide us.

       Elder Caldwell and Goddard teach us that we need to love the Savior because our love for Him helps inspire us to be better and to please Him. When we feel His love for us, then we feel motivated to continue to do the right so we continue to feel close to Him and want to remain close in His love. Then, as we use His love as a foundation and a powerful source of motivation, we become more capable to love others as He loves us. We need to love our spouses like the Savior loves them because charity allows us to look past their imperfections and feel the desire to help them improve. Faith in Christ and loving our spouses like Christ will help us to change the quality of our relationships with our spouses and make our marriages stronger. If we reflect the Savior's love, then we will be able to help our marriages become powerful!

Don't Blur the Lines!

      We are involved in a war that consists of many daily battles. Our adversary, Satan, is the ultimate deceiver and he is constantly working to make us believe that right is wrong and wrong is right. These daily battles involve us deciding whether we will choose to obey Heavenly Father or the temptations of the enemy. Our agency is one of the most important gifts Heavenly Father has given us because it allows us to decide for ourselves what we want to do in life. Then, He has also given us another precious gift: the companionship of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is our personal guide through life, helping us to know how to make the right decisions, to avoid Satan's pitfalls, and to help us know Heavenly Father's will. 

     Satan knows that we have all of these tools to help us stay away from his influences and he knows in the end he will lose the war. However, he is determined to ruin as many lives as possible and he one of his main targets is our families. Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy in the May 1998 Ensign talk "Agency and Anger" taught about how Satan lies to us and works to make us believe that we are at the mercy of our anger and it cannot be controlled. Elder Robbins taught, "His strategy is to stir up anger between family members...A cunning part of his strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control" (1). Here we see that Satan is working to attack our families by making each individual member focus on himself or herself, victimize themselves, and believe that his or her spouse is to blame. 

      The Lord's commandments and the forces of Satan are like two lanes on a highway and the lanes are divided by a thick line. The boundary between them is clearly defined and the Lord teaches us to stay on His side so we can remain safe and happy. But, as Elder Robbins explained, one of the adversary's favorite tactics is to blur the lines between right and wrong. In this case, he blurs the lines between anger and agency and makes us believe that we are slaves to anger and we cannot control it. This blurred truth can be very harmful to families because it can lead to constant contention between spouses and the anger can put a lot of strain on the relationship. Satan's hope is that by putting so much pressure on the relationship and making each spouse focus on himself or herself, then they will drift apart and the family will crumble. Satan knows that the love between husband and wife is the foundation of a strong, united family and if he can break it apart, then the whole family will suffer as a result. 

      Thanks to the gospel, we know this blurred truth is nothing but a big, fat lie! The gospel helps us to know that anger is not our master, but we are its master. The natural man would have us believe that we cannot control it, but the sanctified man is in control of his anger and does not let himself to have outbursts. Learning to control our anger will help us to keep our homes filled with love and the Spirit of the Lord. Contention and anger drive out the Spirit and cause tension in the family. If we follow the Savior's example and stay true to the gospel's principles, then it will be much harder for Satan to blur the lines and make us cross into enemy territory!

Rescue Your Marriage!

      This week in class we were assigned to read from H. Wallace Goddard's book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Goddard presents the idea that pride is a major marriage killer. Pride is like poison that slowly eats away at the bond between you and your spouse until the bond is severely weakened. Pride creates the illusion that we are better than our spouse and we are innocent when there is tension in our marriage. Goddard explained that "When we are feeling irked, annoyed, or irritated with our spouse...we are guilty of pride" (61). Although there is no such thing as a conflict-free marriage, it's interesting to think about how many fights, broken hearts, or hurt feelings could be avoided if we were more aware of pride's influence in our lives.

       When pride comes into play in our marriage, it's time to reflect and to change. Goddard does a fair job of explaining the impact of pride on marriage: "Pride is burdensome" (61). The burden of pride is burdensome not only to our spouses, but to us as well. When we are being prideful, we are thinking too much about ourselves and we need to think more about our spouses. But, how can we become less selfish?

       This is where the Savior comes into play. In our marriages, He plays two critical roles: He is our Teacher and He is our Rescuer. Christ and His gospel teach us about the dangers of pride and how to be aware of it. He is our Rescuer because our obedience allows our hearts to change and we can repent of our sins; Christ is the One who forgives us of our sins. I love how Goddard phrased this concept! He said, "without repentance, there is neither growth nor redemption" (63). If we willingly admit that we have been prideful and are willing to do what it takes to make amends, then Christ can help us! Repentance and humility are the path that allows our hearts to change and put us in the proper place to allow us to make changes. Then, the redemption Goddard was referring to means that our marriage can survive the impact of pride and can be rescued!

The Small and Simple Things!

     

     John M. Gottman is a revolutionary when it comes to offering wise words of wisdom and methods that are meant to strengthen marriages. I have enjoyed reading his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" because I have realized that his advice is very useful and and easy to understand. From this week's reading, I read about Gottman's principle of how important it is for couples to work toward coming close together rather than pushing away from each other. From this week's reading I loved the following quote: "Hollywood has dramatically distorted our notions of romance and what makes passion burn...real-life romance is fueled by a far more humdrum approach to staying connected. It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life" (79-80). I love this quote because what I got out of it is that the secret to making your marriage stronger is to intimacy between spouses is find in the simple, everyday things, not the Hollywood-grade romance moments. 

      I thought of the scripture Alma 37:6 while I was reading Gottman's advice. Alma 37:6 says "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." As I though about Alma's and Gottman's words, I began to think about how this relates to my own marriage. What I have come to realize is that some of the happiest moments in my marriage have been the simplest ones. For example, house cleaning. My wife and I usually do the housecleaning on Saturdays. She and I work together to get the chores done and as we work together, I cannot hep but feel happy because it makes me feel like she and I are equals in our relationship. In these simplest of moments, I have learned to appreciate my wife for everything she does for our marriage.

       Simplicity is an important factor in marriage because you learn to rely on each other. Co-dependence is important in marriage because if one partner is the leader and the other follows behind, then the marriage is going to suffer. Simplicity encourages co-dependence because it helps couples learn to wholly rely on each other without using emotional crutches. This trust also helps couples to deepen their love and mutual respect.